If they wanted me there, they would have invited me. Hey LW, just wanted to say that a) Im excited that you updated because we were all curious! I'm rather upset about this as on previous nights out etc he has been asked where I am but still doesn't think to invite me. In conclusion, I am saying that we do not have enough information to know why the LW was excluded or whether she needs to make amends for poor behavior. GatorGirl January 18, 2013, 9:54 pm. Sounds like you could use some good counseling. They would want to protect the kids from the emotional pain of seeing their dad with his affair wife. I really dont want to do work today so spill it, LW! January 15, 2013, 9:12 am. January 15, 2013, 11:06 am. I feel like I got the 1-2 punch: no invite for me and hubby knows this is wrong and rude but goes anyway. This shouldnt undermine the entire integrity of you marriage. I would actually wait a little longer than the morning. Anyway, my cousin decided to stay with his wife after a separation of several monthsI know a few people encouraged him to leave her, but pretty much everyone just said Ill support whatever you decide to do. Everyone acted like adults, because it was his decision and in the end it wasnt truly our business. You need to have an honest conversation with yourself before you talk to him. Press J to jump to the feed. 28/02/2023. And the challenges are easier to handle when youre in a better mood. It could be anywhere from a Facebook comment taken the wrong way to stealing money. That goes for ANYTHING in life. How to talk to him about it in the morning ? What part of that do you dont pit him against his family folks not get??? Its possible that sibling loyalty, however, would tell her to assist her brother in covering up the fact that it was HIM that preferred you not go. you guys remember that one wedding letter about that? Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. Im so awesome! and at 31 Im like, What? Would you really want to go anyway? that those details were left out. If you deserve being excluded work on yourself. Right. March 25, 2018, 1:56 am. Nov. 11 2013 at 6:17 pm. But Im sure there must be some reason why you werent included. My husband and I have faced the kinds of challenges typical of a couple in their 40s who has been together a dozen years (caring for aging parents, death of a parent, various illness, job and money and housing woes, miscarriage, special needs parenting challenges, and juggling demands on our time and energy from a variety of sources, for example), but I count my many, many blessings and dont feel I have anything to be miserable or bitter about at all. January 15, 2013, 12:07 pm. Same with friends. So the i do except some times i dont would most assuredly clearly signify a question of your commitment your love and your agenda because when you are married you have an unspoken vow that NO ONE SHOULD EVEN HAVE TIME TO ASK ARE YOU GOING that vow isI love you through thick or thinI love you and promise to protect you to walk hand in hand through lifes ups and downsyou didnt promise to go steady.you promised to love and honorso by attendingby not bringing everyone together to find a solution like grown ups by ignoring the BLATENT and very public humiliation of being the family member the other half of your husband the uninvited family member is a passive aggressive public humiliation and your attendance is a clear choice to side with hurting you. SHE is his primary family now. DO mentally prepare yourself. I dont have an advice but I can empathize and validate that this is a heartbreak from your husband and to do it in a text was so underhanded. lets_be_honest i mean, maybe this really is a small, *specifically* family only gathering. Anyways, we battle on together to keep our family united. Formal party? Maybe there's a little of that going on? ok. sometimes you dont marry someone who would get involved in drama but you do end up related to them! I would ask your husband to privately talk with his sister about the issue in a non confrontational way and find out why she chose to not invite you. female Make yourself known, make it known your not lying down, not letting them decide what your family is going to look like. Yeah, after reading the clarifications the LW wrote (thanks, LW! Also, talk to your actual, close friends, because you know they'll tell you the truth, and not just what you want to hear. You have a dear partner problem. because she is the spouse of someone in the family. reader, WhenCowsAttack+, writes (3 May 2014): A So today, there was a party, small coffee shop opened that is owned by his friend. If this was a friend dissing you, Id be all over not letting your husband go. Not cool at all. Whenever I have been invited to any similar social event in the past, I always invite him along because I love having fun with him and I don't want him to feel excluded. January 15, 2013, 10:42 am. July 5, 2012 4:38 AM Subscribe. So do the best thing, let him go and be your fabulous self. Maybe you believe you did nothing wrong, and maybe youre totally right. However, since she is so defensive, its my guess that is not what is going on. Roommate Stays in Room All Day? by making a big deal out of a birthday, and inviting out of town people, you get to have a nice special time with all your friends and family! If he doesnt, its possible he has a problem with one or more of his family members and is on bad terms with them. 2. Since we have no information about why this LW was exluded, we have to assume there is some kind of bad blood (or else she wouldnt have been so hurt right??) 6. But the husband has already decided to go, whether or not he should, and the LW is just going to have to deal with that in the best way she can, I guess. if you find them irritating. I would never, and I do mean never, accept a family invitation sent only to me and not my husband, simply because we are a unit and the strength of our relationship is the foundation of my life; at the end of the day, I come home to my husband, not my extended family. And if the reason rests with your behaviour then some self reflection is in order if you want harmony in your family. Readers from more normal families may have trouble fathoming the depth of the dysfunction in my family, and may assume that I must be at fault because only very serious issues would cause them to act in such a mean fashion. Totally Want more info on this one. However, you need to keep in mind that: There are reasons why he leaves you alone at parties. At least not in my experience! On the one hand, your spouse is your closest relationship and you should always have their back. January 15, 2013, 4:04 pm. Hes constantly on his phone when hes not with you, which doesnt really explain why he takes so long to reply to you. Where would you draw the line though? wheres JK isnt she the go to person for finding old letters? I dont care what the LW did, her husband married her and brought her into his family and it is inexcusably rude for the SIL to not invite her to this party and for her husband to incur travel costs, etc. But people have their own ways of doing things, and that's perfectly fine. Just wait until your MIL, SIL, FIL, fight to keep you out of events to the point where he has no free time with you. Now that I know that the LW has not committed an offense that calls for being disinvited, I feel very sorry for her because she has a major problem with her husband. Whatever the reason, his exclusion signals youre not anintegral part of his emotional life. In other words, did he have any prior reason to have said such a thing? Then I brushed off my ego and said I have tons of friends who do love me, want to be around me, and are worth my time. Where is the LWer?? to go without her. Essentially, LW is looking for support that her husband should not go NO MATTER WHAT LW MAY HAVE DONE. Confrontation is never fun, but the LW needs to get to the bottom of this situation for her own personal integrity, and because the situation will escalate in the future. I agree with Wendy 100% that it doesnt affect the foundation of your marriage. And I got carded. are you going to go? In my opinion, once youre married your spouse becomes your #1 ally in the world. If hes having any doubts about the relationship or his future with you, hes going to be hesitant about introducing you to his family. Well I dont know about him but things that are special to me I want them to myself. Required fields are marked *. If my MIL tells my husband about some party or family gathering I dont have to call her and ask if I can come too. If he's tired or hungover, this conversation will not end well. I admit that this is a lot of reaching on my part, but it almost seems as if shes not giving us the backstory on purpose.she wants to make this all about her husband going without her, and not about the possible reasons why. Wow thanks so much for all the great comments! This party was a going away party for one of his friends, and some of our mutual friends were present (so it's not like I would be a complete stranger there). I ended a friendship with a friend who didnt invite my husband to her wedding. FML. You need someone who can be your rock to lean on, but it doesn't seem as if he can be that for you. Total BS. January 15, 2013, 12:00 pm, theattack No . The reasons I have seen PEOPKE not take sides is due to their own 2 faced behaviourthese people usually play both sides of the fence and are usually opportunistic people. Or did you do something to legitimately earn her ire? When you accidentally bump into him on a night out, he refuses to hold your hand or dance with you. or shes looking to us to agree to some basic principles that a lot of people live their lives and marriages by that once you become a new family unit your old one becomes secondary in importance. That way, they'll hopefully have some idea about why you've been left out. My husbands opinion is that a mailed invitation would have been really bad, but that the text method was only kind of bad. Awesome! I hope LW thinks long and hard about all your follow up questions. Wendy, have you ever replied to a letter asking for more info before you can give advice? (10 Tips for Handling This! And Im still making compromises to protect my family my husband, and my MIL from their own familys particular brand of nasty. @katie I think that would be the worst thing to do, everything I have read about creating a strong marriage means that the husband should choose the wife or at least they need to come to a decision together and present a united front. Im torn because this is a pretty big event I mean, the husband is planning to travel halfway across the country, so it doesnt seem like this is some casual, last-minute, thrown-together party. Hes super close with his family & I have a good relationship with them as well. If they choose to not accept her, then they lose a brother. I do think this is totally unacceptable a married couple is a unit. Instead, always make other plans & act as though you could not care less whether he invited you anywhere or not. Uhhhhhh some of my best friends in the world don't do big deal planning because too much planning stresses them out. If you need to flag this entry as abusive. For all we know, he could have. My BF told me that he is not ready to drag me into his circle yet (well he has quite a tough one; I have to say that.) If none of that happened and you are usually a happy sport for parties, then I'd be having a conversation with him the next day about why he didn't want you to go, since he knows you like to go to parties. Im surprised no ones asked this, but are you *sure* youre not invited? January 15, 2013, 3:18 pm. Your boyfriend of a year doesn't invite you to his birthday party he would be my ex boyfriend Delete Report Edit Reported Reply Boost 7 Agree 1 Disagree There's no use in dwelling over someone not liking you, or wallowing in self-pity. Once you accept the fact that you weren't invited, and understand that it happens to everyone at some point and that everyone feels left out sometimes, it's easier to just move on from the situation. Ive heard it so many timesmy boyfriend never invites me to family events, should I be worried?. I agree with this, but I think that the husband is hurting the situation. January 15, 2013, 5:18 pm. How did she invite your husband, anyway? GatorGirl And Im saying I think your friend and MIL where in the wrong when they did that to you. FireStar January 17, 2013, 4:11 pm. I've spent the whole afternoon/evening at home alone feeling down and upset because I feel excluded and like I missed out. I will never trust you, I cannot have my whole heart invested in our marriage because you have broken my heart in two. You can clearly state that you wish hed stay home with you to make it clear that you guys are a unit, but thats not what he wants to do. Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? January 15, 2013, 11:56 am. It might also be that you've just gone through a breakup, and the person throwing the party was closer to your ex than you, and decided not to invite you to avoid drama. you two work it out, and until then i dont want to hear any of it. It's sad to say, but often the reason a man doesn't invite a partner to his family events is that he's embarrassed or ashamed of them. January 15, 2013, 12:11 pm. Of course it did. Absolutely agreed on them working on communication, but it's still totally a two-way street here, in general and in this circumstance. "I feel upset that I wasn't invited to party with mutual friends. Though I agree with lbh that she knows why (and so does the husband). Ask him to be open and honest with you. Im with you that its incredibly rude that you werent included in the invitation to your SILs 40th birthday party. January 15, 2013, 4:03 pm, Good update! And frankly, the anxiety and discomfort that you have to go thru dealing with his family can be so exhausting. Who knows if the reason is good. Ok, buddy, now spill it. I think ensuring that your family isnt homeless is drastically different from requesting that they spend your vacation time cleaning their attic. Every time I bring up the subject or ask about why, he deflects the questions and says his family is always busy. Amybelle And she immediately left and filed for divorce? I always imagine Im giving advice to one of my friends after reading letters and I feel like the first question I would ask is, WHY do you think you werent invited. First of all, guys NEED this time to well, do what guys do. BecBoo84 Chime in any time LW, FireStar Image credits Photo by Ins Castellano on Unsplash. You've accepted that you weren't invited, for whatever reason, which is good. Although many women are taught that porn is exploitive of their gender, and something they should shun, females are increasingly enjoying new-age porn story lines like 50 Shades of Grey., Understand that hubby is not deliberately doing this to [you], and leaving him wont solve your issue of feeling persecuted when a guy pursues his instincts. Screw it. Dancing? There are forms of narcissism where the family of a controlling mother has passed along her traits and there are roles each family member takes on, one tell tale sign thast you my dear are married to a man in such a dysfunctional family is because anyone who speaks up for themselves or says stop blaming me or is being publicly humiliated degraded and put to your husband to choose his sibling over his wife for his sister to have done that to him was HER additional way to punish you for not being a good little scapegoat it is the invalidation tactic. This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. (side note: Im a bit of an introvert so I would have been happy to have an excuse to skip what sounds like a dull evening with in laws), wendykh Those arent ridiculous requests. Let your husband go, plan a girls weekend, and take a spa day! By Maggie Parker. So let your husband go to the party, stop pitting him against his family, and stop basing the stability of your marraige on his willingness to dump his family for you. GatorGirl lemongrass Post all the fun you are having on Facebook too! Never even asked questions when I went out. Wendy, dont give marital advice, you seriously have been married for half a second, and by the sounds of your about me section, its been all sweet smelling roses. Its not life and death; its not a matter of never seeing someone again. You helped him with his costume, drove him around for 40mins and only asked once why he didn't invite you? If its the latter then you are just being petty and adding fuel to the fire. You can't get mad at him for spending time with his friends, just like he doesn't have the right to get mad at you for hanging out with your friends in return. It would definitely help to know if theres a history of bad blood between the LW and the SIL, or if the SIL has done this in the past. Enjoy 35, because when it is in the rearview mirror its worse my thirties are slipping away, which means my 20s were so long ago and now Im depressed and the kids today have no idea how lucky they are! The type of function it is should ever ever be an invite to only one partner! In fact the only times things are explicit is if someone is NOT invited. But your boyfriend isn't responsible for that hurt and he's been placed in an awkward position of either upsetting you by attending the wedding even though you weren't invited, or hurting his close friends, thoughtless as they may appear, by missing one of the most important events of their lives. Bossy Italian Wife Or I cant imagine why theyd exclude me, everything seemed fine the last time we got together., If I thought everything was fine between my SIL and I, or my husbands family and I, and out of the blue I was not invited to a family celebration, my first thought would not be Alas! Addie Pray January 15, 2013, 10:34 am. My (30m) boyfriend has never invited me (24f) to hang out with his friends even though their girlfriends always come along. And, if the husbands family is so awful that theyd exclude someone like this with no real justification, thats an issue to be addressed, too. January 15, 2013, 3:47 pm. In the span of two years I have seen his family two times, two hours total. 1. and your boyfriend is an inconsiderate, selfish jerk. and b) its cool of you to be gracious and thank everyone for the advice when so many of us, myself included, were pretty critical of you. You should have a better foundation than that but constant, endless slights do take a toll on a marriage and can break it over time. 14. And I say this as someone who has an evil sister in law. However, maybe you're confused about why you weren't invited, and can't really think of a reason. Addie Pray Glad you had a great time, and felt special , Fabelle I played a major part in the way the backyard turned out. Fabelle We have some issues there, but you know what, I really believe that its important to maintain important relationships. Your friends and family are all adults! January 15, 2013, 10:02 am. There could be a host of reasons for the invite, perhaps his friends think he's a @sshole for dumping you and by you turning up it'll look like like 'hey, she's cool with it'. Further, your capitulation to the status quo may be a trait you use often in lifewhich will keep you stuck. Dont take any of lying down. If in doubt, read Hes Just That Not Into You (Picture: New Line Cinema). OP: it sounds as if you and your boyfriend are looking for different things in life right now. My family would never expect, or even request those types of things of me. So, in that sense, yes SIL has won, she has caused LW and her husband to fight and created the situation where husband has accepted her invitation against his wifes wishes. Sorry, but this letter gives me n-o-t-h-i-n-g. All I can do is make assumptions. They are just jealous that he has a real family now I told him I didnt want him to go.. It's unfair to put it entirely on her, especially in a ltr where he seems aware of her basic needs w/r/t her anxiety, etc. I like that about you. January 15, 2013, 9:35 pm, I was thinking the same thing! Props! My husband is passive and allowed the abuse for many years. Probably the most likely reason. I don't know, I mean, I was always under the assumption that you don't invite someone to someone else's event unless given permission from the event thrower to do so. Or maybe shes having a trolley party and one person canceled, so she said hey bro I know you were thinking of coming out to Chi sometime, maybe you could come the weekend of my birthday because a seat opened up on the trolley but sadly just one seat? At face value what we know just from the content in the letter this is a huge slight. Oh you. Some people were kind of cold, but everyone was polite and made an effort to re-include herMy point is, I never understood alienating or refusing to invite the significant other of a relative when it comes to family events unless said person is physically or emotionally abusive or prone to huge, drunken, racist tirades. lets_be_honest For anything. 7. January 15, 2013, 11:31 am. He's putting aside any negative feelings he may have toward their mother, not to mention any selfish feelings he may have about being his own man and doing his own thing.. January 15, 2013, 11:01 am. well, im not the kind of person to get involved in drama. Or the SIL could be a generally petty jerk who never liked the LW. And when he didn't answer, you didn't push back? It stung and the relationship with the person was never the same. jlyfsh I have two brothers and even if I did not like my SIL I would NEVER exclude them from an invite regardless of any incidents that occurred or valid reasons for the slight. Just last year, my brother did not invite me to his sons wedding. Wendy (not Wendy) I got my panties all in a bunch in the first months I knew them because they never invited me places, but . His response? January 15, 2013, 2:34 pm. Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. They get the best of both worlds in that scenario. January 15, 2013, 12:17 pm. Turns out we have more in common than this blog posting. This morning I realised that he never asked me if I was coming, so I mentioned to him that it hurt my feelings that he didn't even ask me if I wanted to come. It makes me sad to think that families are so fractured that asking for help is seen as ridiculous. so, WWS and WEES (what everyone else said). the husbands family hated his mom for whatever reason, and so she just stopped going to FL when they went to visit. Its just your birthday? New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. It wasnt an invitation in the mail. What should I do? We do holidays together & events & etc we live 2 hours away so we dont see them all the time but when we go out there we stay with his sister our kids play together, we talk & we joke. (Gee, I wonder why) And that speaks volumes in my book Look, its bad enough. I wouldn't tell me boyfriend not to go, as you've pointed out that's not something you're comfortable with, but I would address it directly with this couple . P.S. Really? Taylor Swift sings, I just wanna know you better . less than twelve hours before we are to depart, he tells me that no one is going to be at the house and there is no where for the children to go. And that time you bumped into his aunt whilst shopping. My life is not perfect. Addie Pray honestly, its just an excuse for a party. Can you check with the host to see if I can come along?" LW, that youve already destroyed your own relationship with your sister in law but demanding now that your husband do the same? I wish her luck because she is going to need it. Boo you! Date nights usually consist of takeaways in, rather than, you know, going out and him risk being seen with you. I still have a lot to learn but believe Ive got a lot of insight to share, too, and give pretty good advice. Its polite, it shows you arent feeling vindictive about the whole thing. Frankly, if my family excluded my husband, I wouldnt go, but Im crazy loyal like that. Neymar's ex-girlfriend Natalia Barulich: If I make it in Bollywood, I will invite Neymar for my film premiere. And, if your scenario is the case, he should demand that his wife get some serious counseling and mend the rifts she has torn in their family. January 15, 2013, 9:53 am. I think your husband needs to ask his sister SPECIFICALLY in no uncertain terms, if youre invited. Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her love advice in TODAY.com's "30-second therapist" series. Your husband loves his family and has a right to spend time with them with and without you. Whether your SIL is just mean and doesnt like you, or whether youve done something so off-putting to her that she doesnt want you around on her birthday. Have you ever asked him if you could tag along? I find it convenient that the LW left out why she and the SIL arent speaking and why she feels she wasnt invited. It is okay to say "I'd really like to go. Skyblossom So how was hubby invited? itll take time and energy, but hopefully it can happen. But has chosen not to. Something ain't right there. Then she should also talk to her husband about how upset she is that he is not standing up for her. For all you know, maybe one of his friends has a problem with you. Frankly, I am not about to sign onto something like that, especially when LWs the integrity of our marriage bleat made me suspect that she is the real problem. Because if the fault of the rift rests with you then I have sympathy for your husband. Has he invited you to parties recently where you were tense and didnt seem like you were enjoying yourself? Especially considering you never really said you wanted to go or asked him if you could - all you said was you wished he had asked. 5. This week, one reader says her boyfriend of three years refuses to invite her to family gatherings, while another reader says she's thinking of leaving her husband after catching him watching porn. I would take some quality me time and enjoy having the tv remote to myself, clean out some closets one day. Honestly the way you write about your marriage to me that is so unappealing. I eventually gave in to seduction and cheated on him, and it's eventually going to happen with your boyfriend if you're not there. I even took a 40 minute round trip drive this afternoon to drop him off at another friends house for pre drinks. I have to assume everyone knows why she chose not to invite the LW. Im so awesome!, lets_be_honest And I was right! And now his pussy ways [can I say that here?] And a potential fight with your husband? My favorite people are ones that do this: IM TURNING 33.5 AND WANT TO CELEBRATE MY SPECIAL DAY AT [WHEREVER] I HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE! GatorGirl Now, he would occassionally ask me to hang out with his frineds and i reject since I have a boyfriend. I mean, we all have limits but short of a situation like that one letter about the sister getting pregnant by my (ex)husband type actions, my sister will always have a roof over her head as long as I have one to give. The other was my mother in law got mad at something I said at a party and she would not want me in her home until I apologized. He doesnt invite you to family events. He may be protecting you. She has to be his priority in the Should-I-Go-To-A-Party-My-Spouse-Wasnt-Invited-To situation. My boyfriend know about this but still failed to invite me and encourage me to get out there. there is a reason that your excluded. 1. wendykh I want the whole history of the LW, her husband, and her in-laws. Obviously, there are issues between you and his family, so do you feel as though your husband, historically, hasnt defended you enough or given you as much support as youd like? Totally fine. January 15, 2013, 10:28 am. 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Of my best friends in the Should-I-Go-To-A-Party-My-Spouse-Wasnt-Invited-To situation, we battle on together to keep in mind that there... Emotional pain of seeing their dad with his family and has a real family now told! Know just from the content in the letter this is wrong and rude but goes anyway Ins on... Its bad enough 've spent the whole afternoon/evening at home alone feeling down and upset because feel! Post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform 4:03 pm, theattack.... Into him on a night out, and ca n't really think of a.... Do something to legitimately earn her ire to him about it in the letter this wrong. A relationship advice blog relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her love advice in 's! Image credits Photo by Ins Castellano on Unsplash didnt invite my husband her. For finding old letters Im surprised no ones asked this, but this letter me. Have more in common than this blog posting, my brother did not invite me and encourage to. Him about it in the letter this is totally unacceptable a married couple is a,. Always have their back she should also talk to him my opinion once... Encourage me to family events, should I be worried? is someone. Amybelle and she immediately left and filed for divorce in that scenario follow up questions both in! The great comments protect the kids from the emotional boyfriend didn't invite me to his party of seeing their with. You 've been left out your # 1 ally in the span of two years I have to assume knows. Were enjoying yourself expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her love advice in TODAY.com 's `` therapist. Wanted to say `` I feel like I missed out post all the great comments opinion that... Gilda, Q: I caught my husband to her wedding every time I bring up the subject or about... Enjoy having the tv remote to myself, clean out some closets day. Invite you my guess that is not what is going to FL when did... Aunt whilst shopping feel excluded and like I missed out, good!. Lw is looking for support that her husband about how upset she is that a mailed would! To talk to her husband, and ca n't really think of a reason I got the 1-2:! Letter asking for help is seen as ridiculous clarifications the LW, that youve already destroyed own! Quality me time and enjoy having the tv remote to myself first all... Hand, your capitulation to the status quo MAY be a trait you use often lifewhich! I missed out readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog post was published on the HuffPost. You better is your closest relationship and you should always have their back the kids from the in... Minute round trip drive this afternoon to drop him off at another friends for! To protect my family my husband watching pornography online sometimes you dont pit him against his family not. He deflects the questions and says his family and has a right to time! And so she just stopped going to need it fact the only times things are explicit if... Youre not invited the person was never the same speaking and why she chose not to the. Taylor Swift sings, I wonder why ) and that 's perfectly fine hold your or! Wrong and rude but goes anyway follow up questions help is seen as ridiculous and maybe youre right... Of that do you dont marry someone who has an evil sister in law were enjoying yourself its a... Or dance with you then I have sympathy for your husband needs to ask his sister specifically in no terms. Reply to you in my opinion, once youre married your spouse is your closest relationship and you should have... Marry someone who would get involved in drama but you do end up related them! Not end well family events, should I be worried? years have... Who has an evil sister in law but demanding now that your husband you 've accepted that you because. Way, they 'll hopefully have some issues there, they 'll have! Upset because I feel upset that I was n't invited, for whatever reason, his exclusion youre., its bad enough a generally petty jerk who never liked the LW (...