I have an 8-month-old little girl and she does the same thing to me! Very scary! Take your baby for a casual walk. I am really glad to see that I am not the only one with this problem. But you say that you gave up on her. This means that for many working moms, maternity leave isn't an option, period. Not only are you dealing with the guilt you feel about leaving your baby to return to the daily grind, but there are also those nagging thoughts constantly swimming through your mind about being able to handle the transition back to the office. I am a stay at home mom, so I dont leave very often, but when I do leave my son with either my mom or my husband, he doesnt make a noise. I feel as though he hates me. I kind of hid behind work and did not take the time to bond with my baby boy. I used to take pride in what I do as a professional, now I feel sorry for myself that because of my academic pursuits, I am not even a good mother I have to take her back with me in a month to the USA, and its making me nervous about how she will deal with the separation from my parents she screams endlessly especially at night if I try to put her to sleep myself and is inconsolable. Usually at this age, making sure that your child isnt doing anything dangerous (swallowing things, climbing too high, running out in the street, biting himself or other children et cetera) is more or less enough as an ambition. Focus on love and fun! Maybe the others can go out for a while during the weekends and you just stay at home and spend time together. She even goes to our maid servent and she is so happy if she sees her. help please!!! Your mother is totally taking over and you need to talk to her and if she wont listen then talk to a family member and ask if they can have a word with her with you. Toddler Rejecting Mom After New Baby. Since attachment can be an issue for adopted children, your question and worries really show what an engaged new mother you are. Does anyone have any success stories in terms of their baby eventually being more bonded to them? But reading your posts about a mothers unconditional love made me realise that this is all what a mothers love is about and I feel comforted by the fact that I do my very best for him. It broke my heart. Quick message to Laura- We dont know what happened while she was in the other state but I think she needs to have that bond with her mother. He cant be without her for even a minute. Hello- Im the mother who wrote when my son was 9 mos and again at 12 mos. Its easy (relatively speaking) to be a mother when you get that intense bonding right back at you. I just read your comment and can really feel your sorrow and frustration and wanted to give you some encouragement. when i return,, i dont get to see that eagerness in my son to see me.. instead almost ignors me and spents his time with is aunt.. i dont even get a chance to be with him , play with him.. i feel very lonely unable to express my feelings towards my husband also.. nowadays he even sleeps with his aunt at night..i am not able to tolerate this anymore.. feeling light when i write this out openly.. hope that i would get adjusted to this situation.. afterall i cannot expect my son to change. You are not alone, you have not done anything wrong and you should not be feeling this sad. The other important thing is to protect your supply. Take her to a playground or to watch the dogs in a park or whatever she might enjoy. sometimes I sit and think i should just give her to her father. I feel robbed of the moments that I didnt get to enjoy with him, she pushed to give him his first bath and has done so much as she says she is helping. well, its not. For example, dinner time could be a point in time where after your mom stays away from your daughter as much as possible. I have a 11 month old little girl. its hard to be a parent but it is very important. With more time spent doing other things (or doing nothing), you are more likely to be able to stay calm, be patient and so one when she is putting up a fight. For you who have to work, find as much time as possible to spend with your daughter. Anyways here is the question: The childs mother wants to see her but obviously we are afraid shell take off again. The main reason is that at this age, children start attending school and they become more independent. 2.) Chances are great that things have improved and you might even be able to add back a few of the rules that you let go of, if you still think that they are necessary. I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. So in the meantime we are trying to get her to talk to her on the phone, but the kid doesnt want to. (if your daughter will allow; a lot of children do, at least some times.). And my dad is simply crazy about her. Some things you can try to reconnect faster are to: Laugh together! I cant imagine how hard it must be to have lived with this with your daughter for years. I just could not take time off so his grandparents (his fathers parents) have stayed with him. All of a sudden our 9 month old son seems to prefer his daddy over me. And I was the one at home. Your son loves you no less because he enjoys the company of his grandma. 1. Mostly because he or she is a baby who really has no idea what "work" is, but also because you're a good mom who loves her baby no matter what. Paula, do you think its because of the association with bad things?? I cooked everyday to make meals that she likes, I hold her all the time despite my back pain, I have tried so hard for her but I still failed. I have a 16 or 17 month cousin, but she calls me Mom! I hope you find a way make this all work out without hate and anger. As there are lots of conflicting priorities, it is hard to say when it is the right time. even when am not with her she plays with her grand mother or even neighbors. in the meantime I feel like a monster that frightens her ??! Well, its not grumpy, its nore her screaming like Ive thrown her on the floor! It was more about me I think than him. I just know it can be the case no matter what you do. If she can crawl, chasing each other might be fun. I have a beautiful six month old baby girl, who was premature, so she had to stay in the hospital for a little over 2 weeks after she was born. First of all, kudos to you who co-sleep with your daughter! You know, she is way too young to be that rancorous. I have returned to work since and he always cry when I carry him? My mother in law lives in my basement suite and looks after my son 2 days a week, my mom looks after him 1 day a week. Also to say daily a positive affirmation like am a good mother especially when your child looks away instead of going to cry go to the bathroom and say it front of the mirror!!! I can see other parents are having similar problems, so maybe it is something she will grow out of in time. Then she totally ignores me and even if I try to play with her she ends up going to my mom. my daughter is now one year old and our bond has strengthened. Now, today is my sons 2nd birthday and Im delighted beyond words that my son is fully bonded with me and I truly feel like a real mother. I am super worried about our long term relationship and bonding. Or I bundle them together, rather than giving each one of them time. Goodness! My husband and mother care for him while Im gone (Mon-Fri 12-7pm). I only leave her for one morning a week and have done this since she was 3 months old. I have only returned this week to work after 11 months off with my 11 month old baby girl. There are so many nights when I would cry myself to sleep from the heartbreak and helplessness that I feel. You can never get this time back. grandma was kinda showin me the ropes and showin me some tricksi also do alot of running around during the day so grandma watches her.now, when i have her and she gets upset she screams for mme. I just want to know what I am doing wrong, so I can change it. At 12 mos the situation was improved. 7) Be patient with yourselfat home and at work. He cries when I try to do anything for him and wont look at me. I?m thinking to move away from his grandparent so that they can only visit from time to time, but I?m worried it will affect him. If must be terribly hard to be away so much from your family and then come home and not feel welcome. Please someone help me with this I dont want to hate my mom but more than anything I dont want my son to bond better to her. Please help me out of this. Because thats what is happening! I encourage you, because Ive been there, to seek help if youre struggling with depression. I am 7 months pregnant again and am terrified that I will cling to this baby in a way to have the bond I dont have with my daughter. Ive been the only person that has been able to put her to sleep or take her anywhere alone aside from her father. During this time mom is often the only person accepted, which can drive both mom and dad crazy. I mean, how could we not be depressed when our babies seem to reject us? It did not used to be this way she used to be very attached to me. My son has done this to me ever since he was about 4 months old. I feel like Im only good for her when she needs a diaper changed. I have 11 month old baby and until 3 weeks ago I was 24 hours with him. Problem with nursery is that it rolls around again before baby has a chance to come to terms with being left. I kind of gave up trying to figure it out, and just really tried to just remain bright and happy and easy going. as a side note: i think post-partum depression is viewed as a shameful thing. It ws daddy that can sooth her cries, it ws daddy that could make her listen 2 mummys encouragement. Never has. Peek-a-boo. Recently my sis in law has come back after her long leave.. my son of 3 years has totally changed seeing his aunt.. since she is at home now, i leave my son with her when i am at work.. We now understand that this is just a phase and will follow through on your suggestions, Well i am very upset these days my problem is when i use to come back from home my baby didnt comes to me he goes to everyones hand except me i use to cry at night daily of this reason i have fear that he will forget me forever and the attachment will not develop between me and with my baby in 24 hrs he use to come in my hand for only 1 hr.Will my baby forgets me forever or will not i use to wait daily for him at office to meet him as soon as possible but he doesnt gives any reaction to me when i come to home,i am very tensed please give solid solution as he is closed to his grandma and with my brother-in-law. That is an excellent way to allow the two of you to bond. Then when my mother-in-law came to pick him up so I could go to work and I tried to give him a kiss he wouldnt let me and he hit me in the face and cried when I tried to give and hug and hold him he cried. I found the updates especially helpful, so I thought Id return the favour and post mine too. Feeling rejected and unloved from my only daughter is really sad and depressing. It is an intensive period. I am worried my baby will have emotional problems in the future ? In fact, when Im come home he goes from being a happy baby to a complete mess with temper tantrums and all. If we know why this is happening maybe we can change it! A boy and a girl. after wrk wen she sees me she clings on her granny . Im often doing something else at the same time as interacting with them. Not a good feeling. wont she not even a day look out for me. when were alone its great but as soon as he sees her he acts like thats his mom. I loved my baby boy the minute I saw the ultrasound. The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. And be there when they come back. But the emotional part of me feels devastated. Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! for a couple of hours, she just hugged me while eyeing him and after accepting the fact that daddy was really there in person, she just went 2 daddy like he never left. These little fellows are learning that they are separate persons from mom, which they didnt know before and they find it very scary. by Margaret e Jacobsen. I just adopted a 22-month-old girl, I have had her a week and a half. Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get to my mom. Do something that you know your son loves and be completely present with him. Daycare has unleashed a side of his personality I never would have seen if he was home with me all of the time. You can do it. He just screams in my arms. I felt so upset, My 18 month baby boy really likes his dad than me. Crying is normal but the baby will adjust: "Sorry to hear about what's going on, but we've all been there in some way or another, so you're not alone. And if your having trouble bonding with your child, and he/she is old enough to understand then sit them down and explain you are their mom and you love them, hug them, play with them and be involved with them on how you feel. She goes to everyone and she does not seem to miss me if i am not around. I am pretty much in the same situation as most of you are, except the only difference is that my inlaws live with me and i work full time so my daughter is with my mother in law 8hrs of the day. They dont remember, they dont understand why and it all becomes a hopeless power struggle. Im a Dad, I work full time and Im home by 6pm most evenings. So the technology really helps when I have to wake up daddy in the middle of the night when she has a tummy ache and wantd 2 only hear her daddys voice 2 soothe her cries. i so wanted to be a mom and was so happy to have her that i never thought i would be such a failure. nw i think my gal dun wants me . Try feeding with cool or alternatively warmed milk. My wife is set on the fact that she will not change her behavior towards his daily activities. She wants Daddy all the time and will cry for him when he leaves the room even when I am in it. On the Internet Viral Reddit Baby Family. Im teaching and comes back home in the early evening. At this, understanding and accepting a no simply is beyond her. Childcare is unaffordable or unavailable, and in a survey by McKinsey & Company, 34% of mothers cited childcare concerns as . I think there are two things you should do. It is hard. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. But in your case, I would say that this is not a relevant worry! Hello all moms I am glad to know that this may be just a phase I am a 24 year old mom first child. I hope you've enjoyed today's post! Try to stay bright and relaxed, it really WILL get better. Very hopeful! Hi! I do everything for her but she does not know that I am her mother. This will not affect your long-term relationship in any way, as long as you can stay cool about it. I get up with him in the middle of the night when Im so tired I could die. So I came online, and read this entire thread. I strongly recommend you to get it! So am just going to take every day as it comes I like the advice about spending quality time 5/10/15 min with my boy. I feel like there is something I didnt do or that there is something Im not doing, but know matter what it is , its breaking my heart. Daddy is a play toy and thinks he comes and goes and is fun, but deep down I know she loves me and cant live without me. A lot of the time she sees were together and she wants to grab him and it pisses me of and if i say no or get upset she says he wants to come with me and she acts like Im making it a big deal we live in her house so she is around 24/7 so i try 2 get out but even if were gone all day as soon as he sees her he wants her or if i try 2 get him from her he doesnt wanna come 2 me..i think he thinks she is his mother she took him away from me so much he bonded more with her and i think that was her plan. And I swear to g-d it feels like hes being a jerk on purpose sometimes. If it is new, I dont think you need to worry very much; it will pass. Really make sure that you put away all your worried, frustrated feelings when interacting with your daughter. I guess i am being silly. He pushes me away tells me not to tell him I love him. It feels like going back to work is a relief, so I can just..get out of her life and let daddy make her happy. I am sure you mean really well, but in a way you are saying that you need behave badly for her to appear as a good mom, i.e. It started off with biting and scratching and now she is hitting me. Since she was born, she bonded with my husband and my mother but not with me. Some moms return to work just a few weeks after having a baby, while others take up to a year (or longer) of maternity leave. If the mom can come to your house or spend time with the baby in company with someone you trust, so that she doesnt run off again, you will have done a lot for your baby. This way, your daughter will get much more time close to you. Im a teacher so am home most days quite early so do see a lot of her. My mom stayed with me for the first four months to help me out. Ever. You have an excellent opportunity to build a fantastic relationship for the future. she would change his clothes without asking me and constantly hold him all day, the past few months all he wants is her he reaches out whenever he sees her or will start crying if i dont give him 2 her. I did everything a mom should do with their child. Someone said to no rely on your child to feel loved and valuable, thats easier said than done. She was with me mornings and nights. You are only passing through this valley and nothing ever stays the same. Please help what could it be if ive been such a great mommy to him super lovable!! I wonder why this isnt written about or talked about more widely. Do you hug, cuddle, and laugh together? Her siblings ask the same thing and how she became that way. In other words, the more gloomy, sad and disengaged you are, the more attracted your children are to their father and his new girlfriend (this also would be absolutely unbearable to me, so all my strength is with you on this). it is even worse when people keep saying that she only starts screaming and crying whenever i am home and that she is a superbly happy baby when i am at work. Rather the contrary; that you have helped him become so secure that he is now ready to face the world. A 1 year old will not do anything very differently the next time anyway. If this board is any indication it happens quite a bit. Lori Mihalich Levin's book Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return from Maternity Leave, should be required reading for all new mamas. Sure, we would have had playdates and gone out into the world, but at 6 months, this kid already has friends. I dont see this as an issue, but she is concerned that the kid does not like her anymore and could get worse by days. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I really hope this was at least a little bit of help. She is not a competitor and never will be only you are his mom! Is soo upseting bcuz this just sterted like a week ago befor it seemed that i was his everyhing he lovedd to be with me! it felt so good reading all the posts and knowing that out there, there were so many mums who felt the same as I did. It is good to know that I am not the only who has this feeling that their own children doesnt love them. Also she is obsessed with my mother and just ignores me or is mean to me. And as being the preferred caretaker at the moment, your mom can help you a lot by firmly handing over your daughter to you at certain points. thanks again! Seems it starts around this age. please help im worried that she might endup hating him. Actually, this special bonding with her daddy has been on ever since shes born. it is so helpful to hear from others who are in similar boats. Hi all. So the legal battles began, the mother finally got a job after 2 years (shes 37) and he was finally able to reduce the child support from $1600 a month to $800 since the mother should have been able to pay for her personal expenses. After reading these posts I made sure to remain absolutely calm and neutral and not get teary or upset when he preferred his daddy over me. I thought I was the only one and something was really wrong with my relationship with my 9 month old daughter. There are many ways to start bonding with an older baby, like your daughter. I am a house mum now and have been all my sons life. my husband always gets out and travel, but when he gets home, my boys are so excited to see him. She keeps telling me that shes a bad mother and that our daughter hates her. May I ask how your relationship is when dad is not around? Laura, youre not silly, youre human! Although I?m not working my mother in law takes care of him most of the time as he hates to be with me. I just left my 4-month-old son for the first time overnight with my parents. But if grandma or grandpa or daddy was her he would def go with one of them instead of me! i feeed her ok but after a feed she now just turns over away from me. Is it common that a baby rejects mom after going back to work? You need to try to get rid of this guilt in your heart! Thank you so much for responding so quickly! Honestly I couldnt really handle it for the 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted for me. I am in the same boat. Give your girl as much time, love, attention, and body contact as you can. I understand what you are saying about your little girl. Right now, all she really needs is love, skin contact and food. However, he understands that its also for the best as now i can console her when she is sick or having a tummy ache etc without having 2 call daddy via the internet. I have a 7 month daugher that doesnt seen to want me. Mostly she just doesnt want me around whenever we see my mother and usually tells me to go away and I would have to correct her and say that is not nice to say to mommy and she still repeats it. By Alice Gibbs On 6/23/22 at 12:17 PM EDT. Her grammy says when either their head or tummy is hurting they dont want their mama, but this really concerns me because of how awfully loud she screams. Running away like that is completely unacceptable. That pretty much goes for any situation if he is facing both of us he goes to her. I am with him most of anyone. In addition, you could leave a used t-shirt them, to be used for naptime, for example, so your smell is as familiar as possible. It makes me feel that its just a natural thing for some children to have a preference, but I hope it is just a phase cause I cant cope with it. Its easy for the preferred parent to dismiss our emotions. I feel the pain of the mom who wrote that she feels a lack of bond with her child and that she sometimes wants to just pick up and leave. Recently, its really been getting to me. I often wonder if day care would be a better option. thank you for writing tips on coping. even though i felt rejected i didnt stop trying to hold her or trying to play with her. If this has happened to you, you might be sad, worried, and frustrated. When I drop her off at daycare she doesnt look twice. Sometimes a baby who is refusing to breastfeed may feed well in a different position (e.g. So youve done great job. I was already reluctant to leave my son and I cried 30 minutes down the road and every night before I fell asleep missing him. But the best thing you can do is to NOT take it personal. He is still Mr Independant but I can now sit back and be proud knowing that all my love has been well used as a base for him to be his own person. I then take her home and just when she starts to be happy with me, my husband comes home and I am nothing. Ive experienced this rejection since she is about 3 months old, but it is now that she expresses herself that it is really affecting me and I just dont know how to cope with it anymore. I try to fix this by not responding to the kid and shouting at her and show her that I am bad. She is very happy when she sees mom, the nanny or either sibling but seems really scared and just screams if I so much as walk into a room where she is (and Im not kidding). They asked around and got many responses from anonymous women about how they felt after going back to work. New moms might think it's just weight gain, lack of sleep, or nerves, causing . I came every 3 hours for every feeding after i was released from the hospital, MUCH more than the parents of the other infants, even the nurses would comment how good my baby was doing, due to my presence and nurturing. I havent been away from her for a single day since shes been born, shes with me all the time, sleeps with me, from morning to night its only me loving and caring for her, with the exception of my mother who helps me for an hour or two at night to give me a break The thing is, Ive noticed NO bond from my daughter..not on my end, but on hers, I dont feel as though she knows who her mother is, and if i leave or stay I dont think it matters to her. it has been like this for over a year now & i now just resent them. What the hell do you expect when you abandon your baby? Just remember you are a good mother for having these feelings!! Which just doesnt help at all! Mom gets into the bathtub, full of warm (not hot) water with baby. 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